“I remember sitting in the chair and listing to the prosecutor and I don’t even remember how I answered the questions.”
April is Sexual Assault Awareness month. I want to bring you two stories of survivors and a professional to talk and share with you some of the things that you can look out for and help you to overcome the heavy feeling that comes with it.
Morgan Buck shares her story with us starting with how she was a child of sexual assault and now growing into a woman and how she chose partners who violent. Morgan says “When the prosecutor came to my high school and called me in to the office and asked a bunch of questions, it was realizing that your childhood was lost a long time ago.” She also shares “I remember sitting in the chair and listing to the prosecutor and I don’t even remember how I answered the questions.” Through this trauma Morgan has come to realize that she has a heart to help others and is now part of multiple task forces here in Muskegon to help not only children and women but men as well.
Morgans story hit home for me because I too had experienced childhood sexual assault. Like Morgan it was by a family member. Although this family member was still considered a “child” as well it makes no difference in the fact that it happened. He groomed me into these acts by telling me that we were “PLAYING HOUSE” and “THIS IS HOW MOMMIES AND DADDIES DO IT” among other things. This happened over what felt and still feels like forever but was really more like two-ish years. It wasn’t until my mom walked in on this happening that it stopped. Up until that moment I had not told anyone, their were others that knew but none that I told or that went to a grown up for help. I was so ashamed that I had done something wrong in my mind that I did not tell my parents that it had been happening for so long. My mom and I only within the last couple of years have talked more about this and I shared with her that it was in fact happening for so long. To this day I have not shared the whole story with even my therapist because of the shame that I still feel. The hell that I had to and still have to remember, the shame that you feel stays with you forever.
While this was happening, I was also starting to experience bullying. This bullying got so bad that I became even more of a shell then I was. To this day I still have the triggers when I hear any of their names, walk into certain places and even taste or smell certain things. Donna Lamar shares with us that when we are first created, we are our authentic self. When that is damaged by any kind of abuse, we start to put walls up and start to tell ourselves that we are not okay, not being loved, and having all of your emotions become twisted. She says after that happens, we learn coping/ surviving skills and you learn how to raise yourself in a way. You develop behaviors that help you to survive the pain and memories.
Donna, Morgan and I share so much information that you need to hear to help you heal. You should take some time and watch or even listen to our chat. If you are looking for information to help you through this time or need some to help you out of this hell if it is currently happening here is a list of information.